RatCreature (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ratcreature) wrote2006-04-07 12:44 pm
ratcreature) wrote2006-04-07 12:44 pm
I had a horrific nightmare last night...
Despite my icon showing rather peaceful sleep (I wish!) it was anything but last night. Early this morning I woke from a truly awful nightmare, which somehow is still sticking with me hours later. What made it so bad was its insidiousness. It was mundane, sort of bureaucracy-related and the people there compounding to my stress were all creepily nice and very sorry that they couldn't help me more, so actually there was this Stockholm Syndrome feeling throughout the dream, that I empathized with them, even as they demanded that I had to follow their idiotic procedures, and the whole thing was under tremendous time pressure.
Actually the bureaucracy thing was the second nightmare last night, I simply went back to sleep after the first one (that was around five), because the first one was gross and kind of disturbing, but didn't have me in nearly the same state of panic. I don't remember all details from that one, but somehow it involved eating rats, and not really prepared in a dish yet, but you could still recognize them, and their was scraping of tissue and fat involved from the soft fur of their eviscerated bellies. So that was already rather awful, especially since they were like pets (not surprising, I mean I have some after all) and I knew them in my dream, and okay, way back when I still ate meat I ate rabbits too, despite them also being pets (though I never had rabbits myself), but seriously, I have been vegetarian without any relapses for well over a decade now. So, like I said, gross and disturbing, and also just WTF subconscious?!?
The second, really bad nightmare revolved around me trying to get admitted into a hospital, I think for some kind of surgery. I don't know what my problem was in the dream, but that itself wasn't extremely urgent or bad. And to get admitted I had to show up at this room/section on time with all the proper paperwork, and to get that paperwork sorted out I had first to go to this other place, some administration room or something, that was in a different area of the complex, get the stuff sorted out. Which as far as bureaucratic procedures go doesn't seem bad, right? Actually it was rather straightforward.
However, there were complications. Of course. At first the dream was rather relaxed, I had gotten there with plenty of time to take care of the paperwork and get to the actual place where I had to show up on time, but the first problem was that the complex was awful to navigate. It had this slightly old-fashioned, rundown feeling, kind of a 1950s feeling with some parts of the structure being more from the 1930s, and some also rather drab newer parts from the 1970s. I'm sure you know the kind of institution or government building that looks like that, like they hadn't truly invested in it for decades, and while it might have been nice and modern once it truly doesn't suit the current needs, nor does the layout follow functional guidelines as the rooms are used now, and also parts are just kind of deteriorating and breaking down, with temporary fixes employed.
So the office where I had to show up was in some different area, and there were yards, and stairwells, and the signs were hard to follow, and every time I asked someone they seemed to say something different, also it apparently wasn't normal working hours for much of the complex, or maybe there was a partial strike or something, but anyway, there were lots of other frustrated people around, but they all had some different problem, but the people still working there were more busy to deal with them rather than help me with what apparently was a rather simple matter of just getting to this administration room, and they were all rather friendly, but it was clear that I was imposing on them in an obnoxious manner just by being so inept as to not even being able to find that room.
So after a while there was this ever increasing panic, because the time when I had to be at that other place to actually get my treatment came closer and closer, and I still didn't have the paperwork filled out. And I would ask other people and there was some wackiness I don't remember, but while lots of people I came across were sort of helpful, they all had different opinions on what I should do to get there the fastest way. And then finally I got to this room, not sure if it was actual administration place already, but anyway, the guy there was really regretful that he couldn't just get me the admission paperwork, but there were procedures after all, and I first I had to fulfill this ridiculous requirement (though obviously in the dream everybody thought it perfectly reasonable), I think I had to prove with the right ticket stubs that I had seen certain movies or something, and of course there were more problems... And I think it went on like this for a while, but I don't remember any more details. Gaah.
I'm not sure I can bring across how horrific it all was. It was worse because all these people were seemingly reasonable, and just doing their job in their way, and actually more friendly than what you might encounter in an actual bureaucracy, but at the same time I felt worse, because apparently it was my incompetence that made me unable to follow these simple directions and requirements and was sort of imposing on them, just it wasn't simple for me at all, because of the building, and the weird strike/opening hour issues, and all those other people waiting for stuff and whatever, and the whole time there was the deadline coming closer, yet it's not like I could feel as if they were the bad guys.
In the end I woke up in some kind of panic induced by the mazes and deadlines of this fictional hospital bureaucracy. Yikes.
In other news, I brought Dustin to the vet again this morning, but what I could tell him of how the breathing problems and such developed with the meds was inconclusive, because Dustin still made the sounds, and it didn't get much better, but there were some changes that could have been the meds but could have been just random fluctuations of the sounds that weren't constant anyway too, so right now the diagnosis still isn't certain. For now he decided to stick with those meds a while longer because definite effects have to show if his assumption that it's a heart defect causing water to accumulate in the lungs is correct, otherwise he could rule that out as cause and something else needs to be tried. So I'm supposed to bring him again after Easter and give him the medication three times a day until then. Sigh.
Actually the bureaucracy thing was the second nightmare last night, I simply went back to sleep after the first one (that was around five), because the first one was gross and kind of disturbing, but didn't have me in nearly the same state of panic. I don't remember all details from that one, but somehow it involved eating rats, and not really prepared in a dish yet, but you could still recognize them, and their was scraping of tissue and fat involved from the soft fur of their eviscerated bellies. So that was already rather awful, especially since they were like pets (not surprising, I mean I have some after all) and I knew them in my dream, and okay, way back when I still ate meat I ate rabbits too, despite them also being pets (though I never had rabbits myself), but seriously, I have been vegetarian without any relapses for well over a decade now. So, like I said, gross and disturbing, and also just WTF subconscious?!?
The second, really bad nightmare revolved around me trying to get admitted into a hospital, I think for some kind of surgery. I don't know what my problem was in the dream, but that itself wasn't extremely urgent or bad. And to get admitted I had to show up at this room/section on time with all the proper paperwork, and to get that paperwork sorted out I had first to go to this other place, some administration room or something, that was in a different area of the complex, get the stuff sorted out. Which as far as bureaucratic procedures go doesn't seem bad, right? Actually it was rather straightforward.
However, there were complications. Of course. At first the dream was rather relaxed, I had gotten there with plenty of time to take care of the paperwork and get to the actual place where I had to show up on time, but the first problem was that the complex was awful to navigate. It had this slightly old-fashioned, rundown feeling, kind of a 1950s feeling with some parts of the structure being more from the 1930s, and some also rather drab newer parts from the 1970s. I'm sure you know the kind of institution or government building that looks like that, like they hadn't truly invested in it for decades, and while it might have been nice and modern once it truly doesn't suit the current needs, nor does the layout follow functional guidelines as the rooms are used now, and also parts are just kind of deteriorating and breaking down, with temporary fixes employed.
So the office where I had to show up was in some different area, and there were yards, and stairwells, and the signs were hard to follow, and every time I asked someone they seemed to say something different, also it apparently wasn't normal working hours for much of the complex, or maybe there was a partial strike or something, but anyway, there were lots of other frustrated people around, but they all had some different problem, but the people still working there were more busy to deal with them rather than help me with what apparently was a rather simple matter of just getting to this administration room, and they were all rather friendly, but it was clear that I was imposing on them in an obnoxious manner just by being so inept as to not even being able to find that room.
So after a while there was this ever increasing panic, because the time when I had to be at that other place to actually get my treatment came closer and closer, and I still didn't have the paperwork filled out. And I would ask other people and there was some wackiness I don't remember, but while lots of people I came across were sort of helpful, they all had different opinions on what I should do to get there the fastest way. And then finally I got to this room, not sure if it was actual administration place already, but anyway, the guy there was really regretful that he couldn't just get me the admission paperwork, but there were procedures after all, and I first I had to fulfill this ridiculous requirement (though obviously in the dream everybody thought it perfectly reasonable), I think I had to prove with the right ticket stubs that I had seen certain movies or something, and of course there were more problems... And I think it went on like this for a while, but I don't remember any more details. Gaah.
I'm not sure I can bring across how horrific it all was. It was worse because all these people were seemingly reasonable, and just doing their job in their way, and actually more friendly than what you might encounter in an actual bureaucracy, but at the same time I felt worse, because apparently it was my incompetence that made me unable to follow these simple directions and requirements and was sort of imposing on them, just it wasn't simple for me at all, because of the building, and the weird strike/opening hour issues, and all those other people waiting for stuff and whatever, and the whole time there was the deadline coming closer, yet it's not like I could feel as if they were the bad guys.
In the end I woke up in some kind of panic induced by the mazes and deadlines of this fictional hospital bureaucracy. Yikes.
In other news, I brought Dustin to the vet again this morning, but what I could tell him of how the breathing problems and such developed with the meds was inconclusive, because Dustin still made the sounds, and it didn't get much better, but there were some changes that could have been the meds but could have been just random fluctuations of the sounds that weren't constant anyway too, so right now the diagnosis still isn't certain. For now he decided to stick with those meds a while longer because definite effects have to show if his assumption that it's a heart defect causing water to accumulate in the lungs is correct, otherwise he could rule that out as cause and something else needs to be tried. So I'm supposed to bring him again after Easter and give him the medication three times a day until then. Sigh.
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Unfortunately so far the meds still don't have a clear effect on his breathing problems. The only good thing is that Dustin is still eating and playing okay for the most part, despite the worrisome breathing issues, so I hope he's going to be a tough little rat and hang in there until the vet has found something that'll help manage whatever this is, if it turns out the current meds won't have done the trick by the next scheduled vet appointment next week. I mean, I suspect it won't go away completely in any case, if it's caused by a heart defect or something, but I still hope there's help with the symptoms.
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I'm also keeping very good thoughts for Dustin, and for you as you care for him. Poor wee rattie.
(Have followed the path here from the PWP discussions)
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