commenting dilemmas

[ratcreature]

Okay, so this probably has happened to many of us, that you read a story, that intersects with your life or experiences in some way. When that happens to me and I start writing a comment, my own experience is then what's in my head as reaction, and basically I recount whatever episode or life experience resonated with that story. Only then at the end of this, I come to the realization that my comment on the story doesn't actually talk about the story as such at all, but just about me. Then I feel really awkward, and more often than not I don't post that comment, and just click the kudo button instead.

However, most authors seem to like comments better than kudos. Does this still hold true for comments that don't actually talk about your story as such but are more or less (over)sharing of personal experiences a story resonated with?

Like okay, say you wrote a roadtrip fic where your characters look at a giant ball of rubber bands or whatever, and then you get a comment that is along the line of "here's my roadtrip experience of looking at a giant rubber band ball". It's not totally unrelated to your story, but not about praising your great characterization, awesome writerly skill or perfect timing either. And of course often it's not about a rubber band ball but some more personal resonance.

What do you think about such comments? Awkward? Still better than kudos? Better not posted because you don't really want to hear random strangers' anecdotes?

Comments

[musesfool]

I'd suggest prefacing it with some actual feedback for the story. "I really enjoyed this! I love road trip fic and this reminded me of the time..." etc. Because if you just include the anecdote, my first reaction as an author is "that's nice, but did you like my story?"

[ratcreature]

Yeah, I totally get that. The problem is in these instances my actual feedback type thoughts usually end at being really generic, like the kudo sentence kind. And I mean, if I do end up posting my outpouring, I usually remember to start with the "I really enjoyed your story" type of sentence, and then launch into that kind of tangent.

If I was a more considerate feedbacker I would translate my memory/reaction thing into words about why the story resonated with me or what caused the emotions or such, but that part is kind of a lot of work? Putting in more thought and self-awareness of what actually went on inside me as I read. And I'm usually too lazy to disentangle things.

[musesfool]

Well, I personally leave very generic feedback all the time and have always liked getting it. I don't need three paragraphs, an "I enjoyed this! It made me [laugh/cry/whatever]!" is good as gold to me, so I'd rather get the generic sentence than a kudos. *hands*

[ratcreature]

My dilemma is not really about whether kudos or generic sentences are equivalent. It's more: do I awkwardly dump something personal on an author because their story touched me because of that personal thing, and afterward I kind of feel the need to express that, but I am not articulate enough to distance it and transform it into literary feedback, or don't I do that, and give just generic "I liked it" feedback that keeps all personal stuff out of it.

Like, to give another example, the last comment on a story that I deleted rather than posted was Check Please coming out story, the author also had preface author notes about why they wrote that kind of coming out story differently from much of the fandom etc. so there was some meta-dialog built in, and after reading I started writing a comment that was basically two paragraphs about my own experiences with (not) coming out to parents and stuff, and I deleted that in the end and just went with clicking the kudo button.

[musesfool]

Right, I get that. I'm saying the generic preface of "I liked this!" and then the anecdote is fine. The author may or may not engage with the anecdote itself (if they reply to comments at all), depending on their own experiences, but they'll probably be glad to hear it resonated for you on that level.

[vorpalgirl]

I agree. Just knowing you enjoyed the story and it resonated with you would make me very happy as an author!

Mind you as someone with ADHD who tends to have EXACTLY that kind of reaction sometimes to things, I empathize because there's totally been times I have or have been tempted to do the same. That probably helps XD

So long as you definitely say "I really liked this! It reminded me of this one time..."? It'd still be a great comment to receive :) Because it shows you're thinking about the story, that it resonated with you, that you liked the story, and that you liked it enough to take the time to comment.

[forestgreen]

I think it depends on the framing. If you it's you say that the story reminded you of certain things and then tell about it, or explain how the author's interpretation contrasts with your experience, and also remember to like tell the author what you thought of the story and if you liked it, then it'd be totally all right and better than kudos.

I like comments more than I do kudos, but there are comments I'd prefer not to get, mostly the type which are barely polite demands for more/a specific thing reader wants to read/or something else without even the pretense of saying thank you or I liked it. And you can tell that the person believes they're being generous by leaving a comment demanding more without even saying thank you. Those I find very rude.

[ratcreature]

Yeah, I find those comments rude as well. I once got one on my drawble posts on AO3 that did not comment at all on what was posted or whether they liked anything just "can u [sic!] draw me X" with their demand. I did actually draw it for them because it was kind of funny, but seriously, you'd think they'd at least lead into it with appreciating something about the stuff I already posted.

[tassosss]

I'm all for generic comment plus anecdote. Like forestgreen and musefool, it's better than a kudos if framed with at least a little bit of feedback andI I always think seeing what resonates is cool.

[ratcreature]

Considering that, maybe when this happens to me I should try to put in some effort to edit these down some and frame them so that I get to a point that I don't feel too awkward about it anymore, rather than backing out entirely.

I mean doing the latter is always vaguely unsatisfying, because there I am, having overcome my not inconsiderable inertia to type something into that comment box in the first place, which is the biggest obstacle to commenting for me, and then I abandon the comment.

[sholio]

I like getting comments like that, although like others have said, the comment should include something about the story. I don't think there's anything at all wrong with a comment like, "I really enjoyed this, and the part with [thing] reminded me of [personal anecdote]." Actually I think it's a pretty awesome compliment to get comments like that, because it lets me know that I happened to nail the experience I was trying to write about, or at least came close.

[ratcreature]

Good to know that authors don't necessarily feel weird about getting these kinds of comments.

I can have a tendency to share stuff about me in comments I write to authors to mixed results. Like, the very first fanfic comment I mailed an author was on the very first fanfic story I read, and besides saying that I enjoyed the story, I was also just gushing at them how their story made me aware of fanfic, and more or less sharing the first joy of finding fandom with them even though my English was still much worse then (I'm not a shy person), and they never reacted. And I had kind of expected to hear something back, like just a "glad you found fandom through my site" or something.

[roga]

That might explain why you feel awkward leaving those kinds of comments these days - just having your first experience with leaving that kind of comment be an author ignoring you can have a really formative impact, and shape how you feel about it going forward. Like, maybe if your first 1-2 comments like this would have been gratitude and the continuation of the conversation you wouldn't have thought twice about doing it in the future!

I'm with sholio and musesfool - as long as you preface your comment with something (hopefully positive!) relating to the fic, ramble away. "A thing happened to me once" is an abrupt comment to get, but "I enjoyed this fic a lot! This moment stuck with me - it reminded me of when..." is a pretty cool comment to get.

(Probably would have flowed more naturally in LJ/DW comments, but AO3 is close enough!)

[ratcreature]

Yeah, that first (non-)exchange did leave an impression. It didn't put me off emailing feedback to authors, I'm too much of an intrinsic non-lurker for that, but made me a bit more cautious.

[quiara]

I like those kinds of comments as well. Part of the perks of a place like DW is getting to know the people who read along and write the things that populate my reading page. I like resonating.

[ratcreature]

Yeah, for me with people with whom I have talked before, or even whom I've just seen around in group conversations, feedback in general gets easier and less awkward.