things I never expected to see in DC comics No. 6342

[ratcreature]

Jon Jonzz the "Slim Green Lord of Glam Rock"
and
teen-angst balladeer Bruce Wayne of the Pennyworths

I have no words.

However the really disturbing images come later when they do Silver age spoofs in the "Hall of Silver Age Elseworlds First Pages", like Robin as Squid Wonder, Gorilla Grodd as Christoph Columbus, or Batman as Adam with the Joker as snake.

(The pages are from the 80 page Elseworlds Giant from 1999 that was never published in the US but some shipped to the UK, apparently it's really hard to get and quite expensive, however I downloaded a copy, and now have to cope with the consequences. The images in my brain. Ack.)

ETA: I fixed the link to teen-angst balladeer Bruce Wayne...

Comments

[thete1.livejournal.com]

*laughs* The link to Bruce Wayne, balladeer is broken, but... I... don't actually WANT TO SEE IT OH MY GOD IT HURTS US SO BAD.

*breathes*

*cries*

So. Much. Crack.

[marag.livejournal.com]

Egads! Those are...most disturbing. Excuse me while I go find my spork.

I am amused by Robin, the Squid Wonder, though.

squid wonder!!!!!!!111

[lcsbanana.livejournal.com]

all I can do is giggle like a LOON. BATMAN IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN. I just. I just. It's too....

*LOON GIGGLING*

[ratcreature]

It should work now. He's very, um, goth...

You didn't mention the best part!

[mecurtin.livejournal.com]

Balladeer Bruce's "relationship" with Lex!!!!!

I now absolutely crave a remake of "Phantom of the Paradise", with Lex as Swan.

[wabbitseason.livejournal.com]

Oh dear... my brain....

Were the Teen Titans the S Club 7 of Lex Records or something?

....

Never mind.

[ratcreature]

About the Teen Titans: "After the Bruce Wayne debacle, Lex tried to clean up his image by signing bubble gum pop favorites Los Teen Titanos, whose apparently interchangable members are replaced when one grows too old."
it continues with "But when Lex Records signed "alternative life-style" folkies Ivy and Harley, insiders wondered: Was Lex really scouting new talent, or was he just cynically jumping onto every new bandwagon?"

There are a lot of bands in Lex Records history...

[lcsbanana.livejournal.com]

.............

I CAN'T COPE.

Re: squid wonder!!!!!!!111

[ratcreature]

Yeah. You know, when I openened that Elseworld file I was just pondering to write a kind of longish entry on my thoughts on upcoming DC universe changes, and well, then I looked at that issue and it is full of this stuff, one page more disturbing and weird than the other, and I really couldn't quite get into a serious mindset anymore.

[wabbitseason.livejournal.com]

So the Titans were Menudo.... frightening.

[ratcreature]

Yeah. I know what you mean. I probably should put up the whole story on scans_daily to traumatize some more people. Shared pain and all that. Though honestly, that pop star thing is one of the saner stories in the bunch.

[ratcreature]

I'm totally clueless about music, so I don't know Menudo. I agree on the frightening part though.

[ratcreature]

You should see the rest of the issue. The pop star Elseworld is one of the saner ones.

[basingstoke.livejournal.com]

*whimper*

brain...rupturing...

[kassia06.livejournal.com]

But when Lex Records signed "alternative life-style" folkies Ivy and Harley

Okay, I don't care what anyone says. That's just wonderful.

As is Batman's fight against undersea crime.

[thete1.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. God.

*curls up in a little ball*

[adamlizz.livejournal.com]

The green Martian with the Ziggy hair? I'm in several different levels of love.

The brex, oh, the brex. *Hand on forehead*.

To the Batfish!... I need to yell that more often at random people.

I like Flash's new outfit muchly...

And a naked Batman in an apple tree.

Been a good day.

[ratcreature]

Heh. Honestly though there were stories in this issue that made much less sense and had images that hurt my brain more than the ones I posted. I just couldn't bring myself to post the pages with an aging Superman and Batman who had retired and were old and overweight stage actors, though while Batman still fought sometimes, Clark kind of cries into a lace handkerchief because he's afraid to face an audience, meanwhile a weird half-Luthor half-Joker (and I mean literally vertically half) villain fights with the next generation heroes who happen to be the children of other old heroes who died and are also weird half/half creatures of really weird combinations. Oh yes, and Joker/Luthor quotes bible passages the whole time. Then there was this story with Metallo and Silver Banshee as news anchors covering the President Superman Crisis, the one with Plastic Man as Lovecraftian monster...

[thawrecka]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Batfish, indeed. That's all so crack-addled.

[ratcreature]

When I think about it, the Gorilla Grodd as Christopher Columbus Elseworld story could actually work. The Squid Wonder one, though, um... and that paradise picture nearly broke my brain.

[ratcreature]

Yeah, its one of the stranger Elseworlds collections I've seen. Really, each time I think it's immpossible for DC to actually have published weirder things than X, I open a new comic and there it is.

[ratcreature]

Yeah, I admit this rockstar Elseworld has a strange appeal. Comics are truly like fanfic, no scenario is so strange that it hasn't been done...

[adamlizz.livejournal.com]

Everyone was hiding and crying. I was just enjoying. Perhaps I need a stronger kind of crack. ;)

[ratcreature]

You're made from stronger stuff than I am... *grin* I could post the scans from this issue of Superman in kind of frilly clothes crying into an embroidered handkerchief...

[adamlizz.livejournal.com]

YES! I still have a vein or two free. Please do?

[ratcreature]

Okay, look at those two pages:
http://img32.photobucket.com/albums/v96/ratcreature/E80-Page_78.jpg
http://img32.photobucket.com/albums/v96/ratcreature/E80-Page_80.jpg

[adamlizz.livejournal.com]

Oh - dear - god.

What happened, to cause this?

Why do I want to manip different text to old Supes/Bats?

Why am I not dead from an overdose of DCU (Delightful Crack Universe)?

[ratcreature]

You know, I have read the story, but it honestly doesn't make sense at all, and I can't really tell you why we see the bizarre images we see in these pages. BTW, that happened with a lot of stories in this issues, like I said, the rockstar one was one of the saner ones. The first page I linked *is* the explanation, i.e. apparently somehow he's been traumatized by the others being killed, but we don't get details. Don't ask me why he wears frills, or why the heroes and villains are these weird mergers, or why LuthorJoker quotes the bible all the time. It just *is*. My best guess is it's like with the gratutious bondage imagery that is everywhere in the DCU: someone has weird kinks, so we see Superman crying into an embroidered lace hankey... Unlike with the bondage gear, frills aren't a kink I share, though.

[adamlizz.livejournal.com]

Mmm, Crack.

Not ours, but the kind the writers/artists take.

DCU =

[buggery.livejournal.com]

(Delightful Crack Universe)

I laughed until I was coughing and choking, at that. Because it's so. TRUE.

They should change it officially-like.

[buggery.livejournal.com]

J'onn as David Bowie. The mind boggles.

Ditto for goth-rocker!Bruce (why is a sleeveless Batsuit so porntastic?), Eden!Batman (his legs are hairy, yes, but freakishly, almost girlishly slender, wtf?), lace-hankie!Clark (could he and his Bruce be gayer without actually being engaged in an act of sodomy?), etc.

Re: the Darksea Detective and the Squid Wonder, though, I can't believe I'm the first to say it: tentacle porn!

[ratcreature]

Yeah my mind was pretty much boggled too. And I guess it's possible to make Clark and Bruce even gayer (reading DC comics has taught me never to say that there's no possible way I'd see something), but at the moment I can't think of how they'd do it. But then my imagination isn't nearly as, um, creative as theirs.

It's a shame that most of the printed issues were destroyed by DC, I'd love to have a paper copy of this comic. Though at least they accidentally shipped some.

Re: You didn't mention the best part!

[ratcreature]

I guess I'm not much into Bruce/Lex as a ship. Also by the time they had casted Clark as John Lennon on the page before Glam Rock Jonn, my brain was kinda broken *g*, so you can't expect me to be too coherent..

[lcsbanana.livejournal.com]

It's a shame that most of the printed issues were destroyed by DC

dude. seriously?

wow. even THEY realized they'd gone TOO FAR this time...

*insane giggling*

[ratcreature]

Yeah, seriously. It was never shipped in the US, there was some last minute decision against it the only reason it got out at all was because some of the print run was shipped to the UK early. And actually according to this site, the reason it wasn't published wasn't any of the totally weird stories, but the story about Baby!Clark and his babysitter, which is kind of like a cartoon with an indestructible baby and lots of mayhem, which they feared might be offensive or result in copycat behavior (of someone putting a baby in a microwave or something like that). That story was actually later republished as part of some Vertigo collection. Their minds work in the strangest ways, seriously.

[adamlizz.livejournal.com]

the million crack icons i'm making? entirely your fault.

[iamza.livejournal.com]

Batman, the darksea detective, and Robin, squid wonder, teaming up to take on the evil Clayfish... Priceless. Absolutely priceless.

*wipes tears of laughter from face*