my day has turned horrible...

I got my two new little rats today, and I proceeded how the breeder suggested, set them together in a neutral location (my bathroom), and all was calm. Ben wasn't aggressive, actually not much interested at all in the two little ones. Since all seemed to go so well, and Ben was his usual laid-back self I set them in my new cage, and all three seemed nervous at the new surroundings and just hid for a bit in different locations. Ben went into the direction of Gonzo a couple of times, but they didn't fight. Then all of a sudden Ben went into the hiding place where Gonzo was and I just heard a squeak and Gonzo was dead. It was just a few seconds, and I couldn't get there fast enough to do anything since both where in a hollow branch. Obviously I immediately took Krümel (who was sleeping nearby) out of that segment and put in a barrier. But god, I feel guilty and completely crushed, and now have two single rats and one dead one. He was just five weeks, I don't even have a photo of him. And now I'm off to bury a tiny rat.

clearly watching CSI was a mistake...

I'm still feeling awful, and I thought watching tv would take my mind off of things, but apparently CSI was a bad choice, because even though I'm not generally a squeamish person, just now when I saw the victims with the blood on them that reminded be of Gonzo's bloody neck when I pulled his body out, and it crushed me all over again, instead of being a diversion.

Then I thought maybe I could try some fanfic, but I don't really have a habit of comfort fic, so I can't even recall any story I might want to reread, and after the CSI incident I'm kind of wary of just reading something new like I normally would, or just trust that written wouldn't be so bad as tv. I mean, obviously Dexter fanfic is right out, but well, few of my fandoms are completely gore-free with certainty, and it's not as if I even would recall that from a story I have read, because it never before has bothered me. If you have suggestions what would be a great comfort fic to reread, that is guaranteed blood, gore and death free, with a happy ending, and doesn't require that much concentration to follow either, maybe you could mention it in a comment? I'm thinking that maybe some John/Rodney or team-centric SGA might work, or maybe some gen SPN (provided nobody is gored on a burning ceiling...), or some Harry-centric HP, as those are the fandoms I currently read most often, but I'm open to Batverse or other DCU with characters I'm familiar with (as long it doesn't require current canon knowledge), as well as to many other fandoms.

Also, I doubt the bunch of people coming to my previous post about linking and such from metafandom are going to see this, but apologies that I'm not replying to anyone in that post or even really reading the comments right now, but I'm just not in the right mindset at the moment.